January 13, 2014

Trust me, it will all be ok.

We've had quite the emotional few weeks over at the Boggan house and I think I've been more weepy these last few weeks/ days than I was with either of my pregnancies (and NO I am NOT pregnant - nor will I ever be pregnant again).

I mentioned in my last post that we are in the process of making a big move to the good ole burbs! Alex and I have worked so hard over the last month to get our current home ready. While our house is in great shape, there are always little things that need to be done, and that take a lot of time! Things like staining our decks, power washing our driveway/ walkway to the house, moving non-essential items to storage, having a contractor come in to do some minor window repair, etc. But, as of today, I can say everything is done, the house is spotless, and we are ready to list tomorrow!

This house has been an amazing blessing to our family for so many reason. Most importantly it's allowed us to be 5 miles from Texas Children's during both Kate and Will's treatments and recoveries. That alone is worth its weight it gold. It has also been a unexpected investment. We bought into this market before it took off and we are selling during a time where homes are going under contract in a matter of days, above asking! We know what a blessing this truly is. But it also presents the hardship of selling our home but not really having anywhere to go.

Alex and I looked at 20+ houses last week and we thought we found THE house. Friday night I was so confused, torn between two homes, not knowing what we should do. My bestie reminded me to never make a decision alone. To actually give it over to the Lord, not just think I was giving it over to Him. (That bestie of mine is a smart one - I am so blessed!) I spent a lot of time in prayer Friday evening and by Saturday morning I knew with confidence which house we needed to make an offer on. After struggling and questioning, I heard the much needed "Trust me, it will all be ok." from the Lord. I needed that guidance and I felt so sure. Alex felt the same way.

(Ok I'm getting all teary just writing this out...deep breath...push through.)

We put in a very aggressive offer on a home Saturday afternoon. It was perfect - on a big lot like Alex wanted and had an out in the country feel yet was zoned to the top rated Woodlands schools. It had an amazing play room/ game room on the first floor (which is hard to come by here - most are over the garage) right off the kitchen! It felt right when we walked in the front door. I saw Christmas morning there. I saw post Friday night football game get togethers in the game room or media room. I saw our future.

Unfortunately we found out last night that there were 3 other offers on the table and the sellers went with someone else. Logically I get that the more cash you put down and the higher your offer, the better you look on paper. I get that. And Alex and I will be making similar decisions very soon regarding our current home. So hearing that the sellers went with the offer that was basically a full cash purchase makes sense on paper.

But it sucks emotionally. I was so attached. And I am so sad. It felt like God was slamming a door in my face and yelling "NO!" at me. And last night all I could think about was every other time I've had "NO!" yelled at me.

"Lord please bless us with a family." "NO!"

"Lord please let everything be ok with Kate." "NO!"

"Lord please let this surprise baby be ok." "NO!"

"Lord please let us find a donor easily for Will." "NO!"

"Lord please let this house become ours." "NO!"

I went to bed mad last night. Mad that I feel like we just can't catch a break. Mad that we very well may be stuck in an apartment as we either build or wait for something to come on the market. We've seen everything in our budget that meets our criteria and the houses either didn't work out for us for various reasons or are all under contract already.

I woke up this morning sad and weepy but with a bit more clarity.

I know, deep down, that the Lord has never yelled NO in my face. He has always kindly said "trust me Lindsey. It will all be ok. It may not take the path you think it should. But it will be ok. I am here. I love you. I will continue to bless you. Just trust me, ok?"

I can boldly say I was blessed with a beautiful family. Yes it took years longer and tens of thousands of dollars to achieve. But it happened and I am fulfilling my lifelong dreams of being a mom.

I can boldly say that as of today everything is ok with Kate. Was it always ok? No, not at all. But it is now and that's what matters.

I can boldly say our precious surprise is on his way to ok as well. Was it the path we wanted? No. But he is recovering and will be ok in time.

I can boldly say we found a donor for Will. Did it take heartache and patience? You bet. But Will currently has donor cells floating around his body healing him.

While I cannot boldly say the house we loved is ours, I am slowly coming around to this bump in the road. Do I wish things would be going differently? YES! But I need to refocus my faith, look at my track record of blessings, and trust that everything will be ok.

A dear friend of mine (that I met on twitter of all places) texted me this scripture last night and I am clinging to it:

"Because you know this, you have great joy. You have joy even though you may have had to suffer for a little while. You may have had to suffer sadness in all kinds of trouble."
1 Peter 1:6

Oh how I have suffered. But my joy? My joy is huge. We've been blessed and faithfully carried over the past 5 years, He won't let us down now.

So today I'm going to cry and be sad. I'm going to be a bit annoyed and get it all out. But tomorrow I am going to pick myself up, look at my past struggles that have turned into amazing blessings, and continue to trust in His plan for my family!

(Apologies for coming back from my blog hiatus with such and emotional post. But writing and blogging has always been a release for me and today I just needed to get it all out! And I loving knowing that so many will be supporting us as we move on to this next phase of our family journey!)


Jess said...

I understand so much how difficult having your dream home swept away feels like. Hang in there, your plan is just a little different than you thought it might be. Lots pulling for you and your family out here in internetland.

Ali said...

Hugs! We had a lot of kid health issues and personal challenges in the years leading up to buying our home and I can say without hesitation that home buying (for our family) was the most stressful thing I've ever had to deal with. It was kind of a shock after all the other craziness that something I was so excited about and had dreamed about for so long was such a huge challenge. I think you are right to trust in the Lord. He will lead you to the right home for your family.
Hang in there!

April said...

It's so hard! I would encourage you to write a simple letter to the seller's next time explaining how much you want the house and what it means to you. It makes the purchase process more human than paper. Also, once your house is under contract/sold you won't need the contingency in the contract which makes your offer more attractive, too! The home buying/selling process is so emotional. Especially if it was a 1st house - 1st kid, 1st after marriage, etc. Hugs!

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