January 24, 2011

Learning Patience

I have never been a patient person.  Ever.

I think part of it is because I am a big time "go getter" and I've always just done things for myself.  Why wait on someone else if I can just do it?

Waiting on that horrible group member to finish their part of the project in college?  Not me.  I would just do their work and turn the entire thing in before ever hearing from them.

I just don't wait well.

Ask Alex - I waited 4 years for him to propose.  I'm pretty certain he proposed because he was sick of hearing me complain about not being engaged yet.  And, maybe because he thinks I'm awesome.  But, shutting me up probably played a big part in it. 

However, having a child with health issues, and not having any patience, don't really mix.  The past 3 months have come with a huge lesson in patience.

We've done a lot of waiting - waiting on test results, waiting on next steps, waiting on more test results, waiting on calls and conferences with Kate's doctors, waiting, waiting, waiting...

We are still waiting. 

We still have no answers. 

And quite frankly I am sick of it.  The thought of waiting 4-5 more weeks on genetic test results makes me sick to my stomach. 

But, there is nothing I can do about this waiting.  Being frustrating, angry, or emotional doesn't speed up time. 

I've read this verse over and over during these trying times our family is facing:

Trust in the LORD with all of your heart
and lean not on your own understand;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your path straight.
Provers 3:5-6

I need to remind myself that having patience, and trusting in my God, will get me so much farther in life.  I trusted that we would have a baby - and, while it was a long, hard process, I did get pregnant.  I trusted that my baby would make it to term and come home with us - and while it was a scary, high risk pregnancy, Kate is here with us today, being loved in our home.

I need to trust that she will be OK - that we will get answers and guidance - and that my sweet daughter will live a long, healthy life despite her medical issues.  Like everything else we have faced, it may not be easy, and it may not happen tomorrow, but learning to trust in the Lord is a huge step in the right direction.

And, while we wait, we've decided to live life to the fullest. 

Go to the zoo, hang out with friends, celebrate milestones, have frequent play dates, live in the moment, and enjoy the time we have right now, at home, with our daughter all while praying that she is healed.


Heather said...

Hang in there mama. Thinking about you guys lots and praying things will turn out for the best!

Christie said...

I loved this entry Lindsey. I am a very impatient person too and I agreed with everything you said. I love that verse by the way! Praying for healing for sweet Kate too, and for peace in your family as you're waiting for answers.

Melissa said...

Hugs to you and Kate!

Lindsay said...

Sending lots of prayer to you all. ((hugs))

Momma Wilson said...

sending thoughts and prayers your way!

Amanda said...

Thoughts and prayers for Alex, Kate and yourself. Hopefully you get answers soon. I am also not a patient person and going through this would be excruiating.

Amanda said...

I am argonne from TB, BTW.

Lauren said...

I don't know if I could be as strong as you're being. I honestly can't imagine through this & not having any answers, because; I also have zero patience.

Praying for your sweet little girl.

Megan and David said...

Love you!! You are such a strong woman, amazing mother - and you are doing a wonderful job!

nikinikinine said...

Oh I hear you! I am a terrible waiter too. I could have written the first part of your blog about school projects and proposals myself.

I know the waiting must be excruciating, but keep faith in your heart that this will all be okay soon.

Lots of love to you and your family.

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