This time last year my living room was total chaos. We were preparing to admit Kate to the hospital for an extended stay. Preparing for chemo. Preparing for a life saving transplant. I had every plastic, easy to wipe down toy out being sanitized. I had piles and piles of two piece jammies and lounge clothes that would accommodate Kate's central line washed and ready to go. And, as SheShe reminded me last night, I had a pile of bows ready and waiting!
I had a moment amidst that chaos and found myself sobbing.
I was sobbing tears of fear.
Fearful of Kate never coming home.
Fearful of Kate never living to see her second birthday.
Fearful of the light of my life going to meet our Lord.
Fearful of finding enough strength to carry my baby through hell.
Tonight I find my house yet again in a state of chaos. I am in full on second birthday party planning mode. My dining room is a crafting disaster. There is ribbon everywhere. There are more hot glue gun strings floating around than I care to admit. I have just about every piece of serveware I own out trying to find the best combination of platters, trays, bowls, cake stands, etc.
I had a moment amidst the chaos last night and suddenly found myself sobbing. But this year it is much different.
I was sobbing tears of THANKS. Tears of HEALTH. Tears of HEALING. Tears of PRAISE.
Thankful Kate is home.
Thankful Kate is alive to not only witness her second birthday but to celebrated with loved ones.
Thankful that our Lord decided we could keep the light of our life for a bit longer.
Thankful that I somehow found the strength to carry my baby through hell.
We made it.
Praise the LORD for HE is GOOD.
The LORD your GOD is with you,
the MIGHT WARRIOR who saves.
HE will take great delight in you;
in HIS love HE will no longer rebuke you,
but will rejoice over you with singing.